Lately I have been feeling like a bird. Not just any bird, but one that is trapped in her cage all day. Only has a few visitors come by every now and then, only eats when she's hungry, sings her tune when she feels like singing... but the song gets her nowhere.
I just feel like I'm confined to my home. I cry out, I sing out loud, I voice my opinion. But I can't spread my wings! I just want to fly.. Just get out there, and actually experience the world!! In my cage, I hear everything. People talking, gossip, hate, and anything else you can think of- I hear. People think "oh she's just that one girl, whatever.." and they don't get it that I hear them, and deep down I really don't want to. I'm in this cage, I can't escape the things around me. I can't fly from the people that are a stress to me. I can't fly from my heartbreak. I'm trapped in it, and it is trapped in me.
What is this, emotional prison?
Don't get me wrong, there are times when I can be a happy bird.
(Oh gosh, if you haven't noticed I am figuratively speaking yet, you are quite the dumb one.)
Anyway, I have good days. They come, just not really as often as I would like. I have someone in my life who makes me sing, who makes me believe I can do what I think is impossible. He's good to me, and if I was with him more, I'd be a bit happier tonight.. But, my better days are.... hmm how should I put this. I like when I have my better days, it makes my brain think things I wouldn't normally think, and I kind of have these deep thought thinking type spurt things.. {lol} and it puts me at ease for the time being.
((oh lordy I'm ranting. Gosh, I feel like... I could go on and on. What topic am I writing about?! D: *breathes* okay, I need to.... um. turn my brain back on.))
Maybe I'll change things up a bit.
I need a car. Badly. And ya know what, I don't give a rat's butt about gas (well I do, but in a way.. I really don't.). If I had my license right now, & a vehicle, maybe I wouldn't be so trapped. Sure I wouldn't want to drive so much because of the insane gas prices right now, but I can go somewhere that isn't here. There's something about driving that just gives me this sense of both power, and relaxation. I don't even think that makes any sense at all, but hey, do ya think I meant to make any sense in this post? These are my... BLURBS! Therefore, I will blurb on and on about anything my heart desires :3
I guess to close this, and to make it actually have some floowww... I look at this season of my life as being a singing bird that is trapped in her cage with no where to go, and people telling her to stop chirping. Singing is one thing, but when I chirp at the wrong place or the wrong time, I get penalized for it. I know, it's a shame. Who knows, maybe one day, I will be freed. And people will look at me flying, and wonder how I got up there. I will try my best to stay strong, I promise. But for now..... You're stuck with this post straight from the heart of Alyssa.
Thank you :]
